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May 30, 2020 Bad Dad July 21, 2018 Mandela Effect June 9, 2018 An Honest Reply |
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May 30, 2020
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I want to add something to the last blog. In the letter I posted, I said it was my mother's side of the family whom I copied in the behavior I referenced. Although they did have a direct influence, since then I've realized it was more my father. You see, Dad had no respect for personal space or property. He had his mind made up before you even knew what was happening, then acted as if it was your decision. Sometimes, he'd use "common sense", which I later realized was just poor reasoning, to make them believe it. I never realized what he was doing until my mother died in 2001. But it took another nineteen years, and a lot of looking back, to realize how he messed up any chance I may have had in high school. You see, he was invasive. He always dropped in unannounced with plans for me. After the divorce, he got worse, not only showing up unannounced and doing things he wasn't supposed to--such as mowing and destroying Mom's favorite plants--but going so far as to rent a trailer at the foot of Mom's driveway. (I was living with Mom.) This was two years before the events I referenced in the letter, and after years of dealing with this from both him and my mother's side of the family, I actually believed it was normal. I never went anywhere near as far as some people would, and I had no intention of doing so. I understood that limits exist, and I knew I had to draw a line somewhere. But with my upbringing, I didn't know where that line was. Fortunately, I drew it a lot closer to where it should be than where some would. Some wouldn't even care about drawing a line. I knew there had to be a line because I was once stalked in middle school. One girl would show up at my house every time she had a chance, saying we would get married someday. Eventually, it was the first place her father would look, and he'd always find her. I finally took to hiding in my room, but Mom would drag me out. (I'm now thinking this may have been part of the problem, as well.) Honestly, I don't want to know what happened after they got back home. Honestly, while my Dad has to be blamed for creating the situation, I blame myself for not seeing it back then and acting without considering all the consequences. The real problem is that, like I've said before, although I've tried to let go, it's like she's holding on to me. I'm about to file for divorce from a woman who's described herself as a screaming, abusive shrew, though not in so few words, and my reasons have nothing to do with the past. But my mind is made up. Since I can't have the woman I can't escape from, I will simply give up women entirely. I would rather live in misery than treat another woman as second fiddle. |
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