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August 18, 2020 Before getting married? August 11, 2020 Deceptive Meme August 8, 2020 Principles of Love August 6, 2020 Confused Words August 1, 2020 More Randomness July 27, 2020 Listen! Again! July 20, 2020 Love and Forgiveness 7/16/20 Random Points 7/12/20 Money Issues |
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August 18, 2020
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At the end of my last blog, I said I would write this blog when I received a piece of news. Unfortunately, that news has been delayed by at least a week. So, for today, I want to talk about something I take very seriously. I want to talk about why people choose the wrong person. Basically, it boils down to one word I've been using a lot, lately: selfishness. And love is never selfish. And as I have said repeatedly, love is selfless. And frequently, that selfishness gets in the way of finding real love. Before I start, I want to address one thing I've heard several times: "It's love because they're married!" Uh . . . no. Just because two people are married doesn't mean they're in love. One night stands lead to shotgun weddings that often don't last. Just one example. So, what are the sources of selfishness that relate to choosing the wrong person? 1. Using the other person for sex As I said in the August 8 blog,
Lust leads to infidelity, which destroys marriages. In addition, religious institutions say that premarital sex leads to infidelity because of the urge to have sex with others. This often turns out to be true. 2. Money From the same blog,
If you look at other blogs, as well as read the section on God and Money on my Faith page, you'll find that I see through the illusion of money. It's a manmade tool designed to ration, but in their greed, people work around the rationing by hoarding it. And by entering a money marriage, you make it worse. I don't believe in money marriages for this reason. (I also believe each household should have only one income, regardless of who makes it, but that's aside of this.) 3. Social status Improving your standing among your friends or society is one of the most self-centered acts there is. You're not thinking about the upcoming marriage, you're thinking about fitting in with others. 4. For a party Seriously??? You have a formal, legal ceremony worth thousands of dollars just for a night of celebration??? How much more selfish can you get?5. To get Mommy off your back Aside from the couple, the mother of the bride is responsible for more bad marriages than anyone else. "When are you getting married? When are you going to give me grandkids? Is he rich? He's not a Democrat, is he?" In this case, it's the mother of the bride who's being selfish, and the bride has to resort to selfishness, one way or the other, to get her off her back. The only other option is to ignore her and put up with the harassment. Needless to say, this is also why mothers-in-law don't get along with their sons-in-law. 6. Social pressure When I think about this, I hear a million parents all asking at the same time, "And if all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you do it, too?" Plus, letting friends "scout" prospective suitors will chase off the right person because those friends decide what they want for you, which is always a bad idea. They don't know what's right for you, so they base it on what they want for themselves. More selfishness.7. For a change of lifestyle Oh. My. God. There are lots of other ways to change your lifestyle. I can't even begin to list them all.8. To keep up with friends or family Your marital status is no reason to drop your friends or ignore your family because they're so far ahead of you. This is not India, where different castes can't even talk to each other. The class system should be a family system, instead.9. To escape a bad situation Again, there are other ways. Tying yourself down to someone you don't love--or possibly even loathe--is not a way to do this. In fact, it may make matters worse by tying you even further into the problem in ways you didn't think of. 10. Ignoring their inner voice I don't know how many times I've heard a spouse, usually the wife, say she knew she was making a mistake when she went through with it. For example, my sister admitted to me that she knew at her first wedding that she knew it was a mistake, but she didn't know why she went through with it. Trust me, it's better to listen to this voice then enter the marriage. Usually, one of the other reasons given above is involved. After all this, it's obvious there is one, and only one, reason to get married: |
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social status, social events, family, friends, lifestyle, and situation, and makes them irrelevant. |
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In other words, true love, where you share a love that transcends all physical limitations in favor of a spiritual caring for each other, is everything when you get married. Why have I been talking about love so much, lately? Honestly, I don't know. Maybe I'll have that news at some point. Until next time... |
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