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The Karaoke Bug
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January 26, 2009

If you were directed here from posts about my letter to WWE, it's down below.

I have caught the karaoke bug.

I've done karaoke twice before. The first time, I was out with someone on a date that led to nowhere. We sang "Obsession" by Animotion, and it went sour. She wanted someone who could sing, but we disagreed on who the bad singer was. The second time was at a company Christmas party where I sang "Faithful" by Go West. (My boss from then asked a question on "Trivial Pursuit" last week, btw.) The computer scored me at 96.

I went to a birthday party (happy-happy again, Chris!) Saturday night at Genji, a sushi and karaoke bar on Westheimer. Great sushi! I had the eel, which has always been my favorite kind. Well, I signed up for karaoke. I actually practiced several songs. Here's the list:

  • "Land of Confusion" by Genesis. Not on their list
  • "No Son of Mine" by Genesis Not on their list
  • "I Can't Dance" from Genesis Not on their list
  • "Faithful" by Go West Not on their list
  • "King of Wishful Thinking" from Go West Not on their list
  • "Twilight Zone" from Golden Earring Not on their list
  • "Bridge Over Troubled Water" by Simon & Garfunkel On their list, but the one that scared the living daylights out of me.
  • "The Promise" by When In Rome Not on their list
As you can see, I wasn't ready.

I scanned the playlist in depth, trying to find something--anything--I knew. Everything I knew, I didn't remember. So, I settled for two things: 1) I knew the tune, and 2) I used to sing it all the time. So, after about forty minutes, I made my choice and turned it in and waited until my selection came up.

THREE . . . HOURS . . . LATER!!!

And people freaked when they found out it was "We Didn't Start the Fire" from Billy Joel. They thought I'd get lost because of how random and fast the song is. And everyone was surprised when I made it through, even belting out what needed to be belted out and hitting the falsettoes at the end. Several of my friends even gave me high fives!

But seriously, now I want to do more karaoke. I'm looking for a place on my side of town, and I'm going to become a regular. Hopefully, I'll do the songs I've practiced, and hopefully, I'll get up the nerve to do "Bridge Over Troubled Water"!

I'd like to take this space to go over a letter I sent to the WWE today.

Last night, I had the misfortune of watching the worst pay-per-view in history. In fact, it was one of the most abysmal shows I have ever seen. Here are my comments:

I'm not exaggerating. If anything was ever worse, I'm glad I didn't see it. Or I've forgotten out of denial.

1. How Matt Hardy turned heel

This was simply ridiculous. I am absolutely certain I speak for all men who have lost best friends the way Matt Hardy did when I call this inexcusable. For someone who has been treated that way to side with the man who screwed him by doing the same to his girl and turning on his own brother has doubtlessly cost you many male viewers, which I would guess is your major demographic. I may be among them, for that reason. If Matt turns out to be Jeffís assailant, which looks probable, it will make absolutely no sense.

I need to confess something, here.

In November, 1987, I was in a relationship that only a few people knew about. Her name was Jen. I've never talked about it, since. In fact, I've denied it.

We were getting very close, some would say too close for our age. (We were both in high school.) And we were ready. By that, I mean ready.

I showed up at her house one night, and I heard something odd. I went in and found Jen in bed with a very close friend. From how they were talking, I realized this had been going on for a while. They never knew I was there until I told her when I showed up. She apologized and left. I never heard from my friend again. I found out later that he actually wanted her for a long time and made his move after we got to know each other.

His name? Adam. The same name of the man who was Matt Hardy's best friend, who actually stole his girl of six years.

As for Adam and Jen, I never heard what happened, and I frankly don't care.

(And people wonder why I have a temper?)

2. Another screwjob???

There are already too many screwjobs in WWE, and Iím not the only one who has tired of it. Edge, especially, as I know most of his reigns were not attained legitimately (storywise). Most people are sick of him, and those fans of his I have talked to have turned out to be jerks, as well. For how great Jeff Hardy vs. Edge was, to end how it did invalidated the entire match. This is what so many people are sick of. In addition, the way the Rumble ended was the worst ending I have ever seen to any battle royal type match.

For those of you who aren't kayfabe-literate, a "screwjob" is when someone not in the match invervenes and costs someone the match. At one point a few years ago, almost every match ended in a screwjob. It's not as bad now, but it's still predictable.

I don't think "invalidated" is the right word. "Destroyed" is probably the right word.

3. Predictability

The only event that was unpredictable was the return of RVD. Once six were left in the Rumble, I knew it would be RKO. Triple H and Undertaker were both focused on too prominently prior to the Rumble, which usually indicates somebody who will not win, and Rhodes and DiBiase would not be considered contenders by anyone. It was also obvious that Melina would win, despite that I donít get to see Raw because I do not get USA. Matt Hardyís reaction after his loss told me he would do something unexpected, and I realized what it was when he came out so close behind Vicki and when he kept Jeff from doing his thing and getting chairs instead, plus when she did nothing while Mattís back was to her.

When something's obvious when you don't even watch the show, that's bad. Plus, all this telegraphing of what will happen bugs the living daylights out of me. There is a place and a time for foreshadowing; trying to sell pro wrestling is never the time.

On some personal notes, I paid no attention to the Divas match because I am not a fan of either one of them, and my local basketball team was on another set in a tight game, so I didnít watch it. In fact, the only part of the match I found interesting was Melinaís ring entrance.

If you know Melina, and you're a man, you know exactly what I'm talking about. I also don't like Michelle McCool being a heel, but she knows how to pull it off so well that I'm not complaining.

And the Rockets won by three at Detroit--where the pay-per-view was also being held.

There were parts of the Rumble I found enjoyable, but just moments, such as Rey Mysterio using Miz and Morrisonís backs to avoid hitting the floor,


the battle between Rhodes and Goldust, and Jim Dugganís success when he entered. The early action was interesting, but it began to go downhill after Koslov eliminated Khali.

I actually couldn't buy this elimination. If it took The Undertaker to eliminate him the last two years, with some trouble, how could someone like Koslov eliminate him in a few seconds?

All the good parts of the pay-per-view were overshadowed by the things that made the show atrocious, which means it didnít matter how good they were. I now barely remember them. At this point, I would rather have been in a handicap shoot vs. Undertaker and Kane, and Iím 5í7Ē, 190 lb, and out of shape.

Again, for the kayfabe-illiterate, the term "shoot" refers to something unscripted or unplanned.

And if you know just what the two aforementioned wresters are like, you understand the agony I went through.

I saw this at my local [restrant name deleted], but I wish I had been able to get it on pay-per-view so I could demand my money back.

$22 down the drain.

My advice is to fire the writers and forget this monstrosity ever happened.

I'm not kidding. I don't keep up with who's doing the writing, but this has Vince Russo written all over it. He's the worst writer in wrestling history, and I'd be shocked if he were back in WWE.

Further, I live in Houston and am now considering giving away my tickets for WrestleMania.

Don't ask me for them. First, I haven't made up my mind. Second, I know who I'll give them to if I do.

A copy of this letter is being posted on my blog.


I enjoy the spirit of competition, and I love good enterainment, which is why I enjoy wrestling. But as a writer, I can be offended at some of the things that happen. Dropped storylines (we need the Melina-Batista storyline back), things that make no sense (such as Rikishi being the one who ran over Austin, when Rikishi wasn't even in WWE at the time), and absolute nonsense (Doink, RepoMan, Kizarny).

When it's right, I'm happy.

Here's what should have happened:

Jack Swagger retains the ECW title with the help of Mark Henry, fueling the Swagger-Hardy feud.

Beth Pheonix retains the Women's Title after Santino Morella attempts to interfere and causes a disqualification. Melina kicks his butt.

HBK costs John Cena the World Championship. He and JBL are double FUed by Cena afterward.

Jeff Hardy retains the WWE Championship after Matt carries Vickie Guerrero to the back.

Instead of Goldust, and Mike Knox, Shaun Michaels and Tommy Dreamer enter. Final four: HBK, Dreamer, Randy Orton, and Rob Van Dam. It comes down to Michaels and RVD. HBK wins and immediately tells JBL he's the one Michaels wants.

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