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September 1, 2020 Child Predators August 27, 2020 Faithfulness August 18, 2020 Before getting married? August 11, 2020 Deceptive Meme August 8, 2020 Principles of Love August 6, 2020 Confused Words August 1, 2020 More Randomness July 27, 2020 Listen! Again! July 20, 2020 Love and Forgiveness |
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September 1, 2020
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Before you read this blog, I need you to read this recent article. Now that you've done that, I want to rehash something I tried not to bring up again, and that's the girl who stole my heart in high school. You see, I've never admitted this to anyone in any circumstance, but I saw this happening to her. (I know it wasn't a teacher, but from her behavior, I know she was manipulated, as well.) That's why I was more aggressive than I should have been. I was scared for her, and I wanted to help her. I don't know what became of it, though I do know she married a much older man and later married someone else. But that's not what I want to discuss. Reading the article above reminded me of the whole situation in high school. I don't blame her; I blame him. Fifteen year olds are only beginning to learn about love, and girls fall prey to anything that drives positive emotion. Predators understand this and use it to their advantage. Lately, I've been seeing a lot of articles about this very situation. One said she wouldn't listen to her mother and ran off to Australia to be with him as soon as she graduated high school, only to find herself under his dominance. Another said she was brainwashed to believe everything he said, but she never said what it was. Still another ended up in an sex cult. Those three broke away, but the last said not all of them do. Obviously, if the first man my dream girl married was the same man I wanted to get her away from, then either he wasn't like that or she was able to escape. Still, I dread what may have happened to her before then. And this entire mess is because of some stupid attempt for an older man to seduce a young girl. Either way, it's inexcusable, and in at least 99.5% of all cases, it's still unacceptable. 100% of the time, it's immoral because of the difference in emotional maturity, yet there are those extremely rare cases where there is something genuine between them. I understood this at age seventeen because a cousin had gone through the same thing and was in tears a year later from what the jerk put her through. To me, it was actually worth losing my dream girl as long I got the point across and saved her from any trouble, despite my hopes it would lead her into my arms. That was how I'd come to feel about her. She was too damn stubborn, and her family wasn't making any effort toward helping her. That's when I knew there was no hope. I never got to tell her why I was there, and I never got to voice my concerns. Could I have been more direct? Absolutely. But I was afraid of how it would look, and I never got around to it. I made the one mistake I've been making my entire life: I skipped the one chance I actually had. One thing that makes me sick is when people say there's "no right time" to do something. Well, there sure as hell is a wrong time. If if there's a wrong time, it sure isn't the right time. "There's a time and a place for everything", me and my former brother-in-law both tried to tell my ex-wife. She always inadvertently provided excellent examples of how there is a right time for everything by always choosing the wrong time. This is one of the lesser reasons why we're divorced, but the fact is, she couldn't choose the right time because she didn't believe in it. With my dream girl, that was the last of three occassions that I missed the right time. I hesitated the first time I tried to ask her out, and he snatched her up. That was the second time. The first time was the first time I ever saw her. Someone introduced me to her, and . . . well, you know how the boy totally freezes in those teen movies? That was me. I don't know where she is, today. I don't know if she's alive; the first time I had that thought, I had a complete breakdown. I don't know if she's still with her second husband, or if she's on number four or five. I know she had one son, but I don't know if she had other kids. I found out her career the last time I saw her, and I don't know if she's still working where I saw her or not; it's a heavily monitored industry, so there's a chance she's not in it any more. But one key thing has changed. For years, my biggest fear was that I would be the only one able to help her, and I wouldn't be there. Now, my biggest fear is that it's already happened. And you know what? Through a marriage that made roller coasters look like rulers, those thoughts were still there. I didn't let it cloud my thoughts as far as that marriage went, though. Still, I feel guilty about that entire time I was married. It was like I had a wife and a mistress, and sometimes I didn't know which was which, even though I only ever saw only one of them. And yet, now that I'm divorced . . . I want to see every woman I've ever known whom I'm not related to naked, all at the same time. Is that normal? That, despite the fact that I would still help her in all the same ways I would have back in high school. Is that normal? Or is it . . . She comes first. Not me. And that's how we should all be at all times. And yet, the last time I heard someone mention her (after the divorce was filed), I couldn't even look at another woman for several days. Life is full of conflicting issues. We just have to deal with it. Something less depressing when I write, again. I promise. Until next time . . . |
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