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September 11, 2020 Address It! Say It! September 1, 2020 Child Predators August 27, 2020 Faithfulness August 18, 2020 Before getting married? August 11, 2020 Deceptive Meme August 8, 2020 Principles of Love August 6, 2020 Confused Words August 1, 2020 More Randomness July 27, 2020 Listen! Again! |
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SITE UNDER RECONSTRUCTION September 1, 2020 Bio page updated August 18, 2020 Addition to Author Page August 11, 2020 Sidebar colors changed August 6, 2020 Election info added to Calendar July 28, 2020 Calendar revised |
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September 11, 2020
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In my May 30, 2020 and my June 25, 2020 blogs, I went into why I had a Bad Dad. I've had people address the issue with me in the past. Most have tried to make me decide that it was all out of love. Nope. It was out of a need to be agreed with. There are many things that happened before he died that convinced me beyond doubt that it was the case, and not all of it involved me. In my life, I've had people use distraction to hide their real goals. This is when someone tries to not let someone see what's really going on by addressing something else that's not closely connected to the subject. It's main purpose is to enforce lies. (I'm a Democrat because I see Republicans do this all the time.) My Dad was a true Republican, and it was through him that I learned that the conflict is a matter of truth vs. fiction. I had no idea, until Mom was about to have the surgery that eventually led to her death in 2001. She started warning me about everything Dad had done to her--his lies, manipulations, and such--and I realized he had done it to me. Mom (and this is something I've noticed in many people, including most women) wouldn't address an issue directly. She expected others to pick up the clues she dropped like there was a huge photograph of what she was addressing next to it. So, the issue, itself, was often missed. For instance, I used to live in Socorro, New Mexico. During my last two months there, I had serious financial issues and lived almost entirely on macaroni and cheese during that time. The result was that I was 20 pounds below my ideal weight when I moved back. Not long after Mom died, my sister told me that not long after I moved home, she was over and asked Mom about the fact that I was gaining too much weight. Mom answered, "He'll figure it out." I peaked at 56 pounds above my ideal weight. I gained 76 pounds. The two problems here are that 1) Mom never told me until it was waaaaaaay too late, and 2) this is not an issue you ask a third party (Mom) about. Addressing something directly is critical to learning, adjusting, and understanding. There are far too many people today who refuse to address an issue directly because they're afraid of being "attacked"--argued with aggressively, as intimidation. Most of the others have issues, addressed below. A few actually try to make a positive difference for society as a whole. The only ones who address something directly in this country are now in two classes. First, those who just don't know any better. These include Fundamentalist Christians, far-right Republicans, and graduates from more conservative schools (e.g. Liberty and Texas A&M). Many of them were isolated, meaning that information from outside what they were intended to receive was prevented from reaching them. The other is those who have a psychological need to be agreed with, for whatever reason it emerged as a character trait. These people are constantly adding on to anything they agree with to try to gain your agreement (not acceptance, as some will tell you), and immediately argue at the first word that disagrees. They will read the back of a book until they see the first word that disagrees with their ideals, put it down, and never mention it again except to scream at someone who does. They'll write angry letters and upload videos to opponents of their view and won't bother with consideration. And when the other person doesn't back down, they decide it's not worth their time. Worst of all, when someone exactly the same is pointed out, they understand but don't make the connection. The first type falls under a category I address often, but never in my blogs: poorly educated. Either they didn't get an education, their education was too focused on one subject (usually with classes worth 5-8 credit hours), or they were taught bad information by biased instructors. The last is especially true in classes on government, political science, and economics. Sometimes, history is included. A few schools also need new English departments. (For example, I once attended a writing group and sat through a single paragraph from a book published by Texas A&M. I swear, I lost more brain cells trying to wrap my brain around the grammatical catacombs than at any other time in my life. That was part of the point of the speaker's presentation.) The other is the egocentristic. These are people who think they should be the center of attention, the leader, and the primary decision maker. Independent thinking is assaulted, and if the assault doesn't work, it will reach a point where they say, "I need new friends," usually right after after they start to lose control. This is the nature of truth vs. fiction. Truth produces progress, but only if it's accepted and utilized for the common good. Fiction is manipulation or unwillingness to accept the truth. I don't believe anyone is unable to accept it, but unwillingness is difficult to break through. More people give up, but those who don't have been able to make progress. In the case of Dad, the decisive event was after I had major surgery in 2010. The doctors and nurses told me I only needed someone at home to help me for the first three or four days. He and my stepmother both insisted they were told a month! I pressed as to why they would be told something different, and they said they asked friends of theirs in the medical profession. (Seeking the advise of more and more people until someone gets the answer they want is a critical symptom of the problem I'm addressing in this blog.) It soon became obvious that the real reason was to make sure I was seeing things his way. He told me he had made cinnamon toast. There wasn't a speck of cinnamon on it. He had read that cinnamon lowers blood sugar to dangerous levels, which it does, but only in large amounts; two slices of cinnamon toast doesn't even come close. He made salads with everything cut into tiny cubes that fell off my fork, and you couldn't taste, anyway, and the meals were so small I was still starving, afterward. He insisted it was because I had to build up my appetite--it already was! Because I couldn't have pineapple juice, he through away my perfectly good Gala apples. How dumb is that? Why? Because he was raised in a Fundamentalist atmosphere that didn't allow him to learn any better. Add that his father was a physically abusive strongman who didn't believe in education, and you start getting a bigger picture. His behavior was out of fear, not love. Yes, I understand why he was the way he was, and it's not good. I blame his father more than him. But, still, he should have taken a closer look at what he was doing to others and corrected them, instead of seeing the generality "I have a problem" and continuing doing what he'd been doing. When someone knows what the problem is, and doesn't speak up against it directly, then the only one they can blame is themselves when the problem persists. And, of course, the other half of the problem is something I've discussed countless times in this blog, on FaceBook, on Twitter, and in person. People don't know how to listen any more. Another issue I've never talked about is that how you see yourself and how others see you should work hand-in-hand, but too many people stick to their own opinion and base everything on half the story. I'll talk about that later, too. Okay, this blog wasn't supposed to go in the direction it did. I guess there's a reason why. At some point, I'll have to talk about why I believe there's a purpose for everything. Until next time . . . |
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